I'm embarrassed to work in Birmingham

Mayor Langford arrives at a meeting with area business leaders escorted by police officers wearing jackboots, and armed with sub-machine guns. His "plan" for funding his initiatives, includes building a dome and the first payment will not be due for 5 years. Who will finance the dome Sticks-n-Stuff?

Anyone missing a goat or dog?

The title of the article is a bit misleading, but this is a really weird story. Why did the woman stop for the goat, allowing it to climb on her vehicle? Why dis she call the police? Why didn't she just floor it, and the goat would have come sliding off? Did an officer really put a goat in the back of his patrol car? So many thing wrong with this story.

Mensa Membership Application - Hartselle, AL

Mensa is a non-profit organization that restricts membership to a select few of highly intelligent people. Members must score at the 98th percentile or higher on a supervised intelligence test. In layman's terms, you've got to be extremely smart to get into the club. Which leads us to the story of a future member to this select group of brilliant minds, Garry Michael Wilson of Hartselle, AL.

Mr. Wilson apparently thought it would be a good idea to steal a car. Now, if I was ever going to steal a car I would look for a couple of things. First, it needs to be valuable. No use in stealing a 88' Bonneville. Second, it has to be easily accessible. The owner shouldn't be around when the theft occurs. Finally, you need to be able to drive the car. Sounds pretty solid if you ask me.

Let's see how Garry did with my simple requirements. First, he decided to steal a BMW Z3. That's valuable enough so check. Second, the car was easily accessible since it was located at a neighbor's house on the same street Mr. Wilson lived on. That's accessible enough so check. Finally, the BMW Z3 had a manual transmission. One problem, Garry doesn't know how to drive a stick so no check. He managed to get two blocks before being caught by neighbors and the owner. By the way, they were on foot!

Kudos to the Hartselle school system for turning out this prize.

The Train is completely off the tracks...

If there was any doubt that Mayor Larry Langford was insane then today's announcement concerning the Olympics will remove that possibility. You'll remember the genius thought Birmingham had a shot at hosting the 2020 games. Now we find out that it cost $500,000 just to submit an application. Sounds like a worthy cause to blow half a million dollars on don't you think? Clearly the city doesn't have any other needs. After you read the brief article make sure you read the comments posted at the bottom. I think the mayor has all of the support he needs...

From www.themuletrader.com..

Some of you may be familiar with The Mule Trader. It is a weekly publication out of Clanton, Alabama. It is chock full of items for sale, from used tires and mattresses to old school buses. However, my favorite section is the animals for sale. If you are looking for a pet, forget those high prices at Pet Smart and other pet stores. Come to the country and get your pet directly from the source. From Bearded Dragons, to Jersey milking cows, the mule trader has it. Sometimes, you even run across an ad for someone looking for a particular animal, such as this one:

WANTED: TWO COONS, mean or not, will pay $5 each. 205-276-8119

Now suppose I had just trapped a couple of coons that were getting into my garbage, and I wanted to turn them into pets, but they happened to be particularly fearsome. While contemplating what I should do with my little furry friends, I happened to read the Mule Trade and saw the above ad. Well I would have just made myself $10 dollars! I'm sure the little fellows would be going to a good home.

Mayor Larry Langford, modern day Don Quixote

Don Quixote is about a man at odds with reality as he pursues his impossible dream. Larry Langford should officially change his name. The reason being he has an impossible dream for Birmingham to host the 2020 Olympics. Let me remind you of the cities that are competing to host in 2012: Paris, Madrid, London, New York, and Moscow. I don't know about you but I don't see anything Birmingham has in common with those cities.

Here are some of the more memorable quotes from the article. "Why not Birmingham? - that's my question," Langford said Friday. "You don't know what you can do till you try it. We've got everything it takes to make it work." This quote may remind you of the windmill scene in the book. How about this one, "We are an international city," he said. "The whole world looks at Birmingham either in a positive light or a negative light." The last comment is so profound I'm at a lost to even fathom the rationale. The last time I checked Birmingham didn't have any direct flights to a city outside of the United States. The reason the airport can even call itself international is because it receives international mail.

Birmingham has problems with crime and a desolate business district. Instead of going off on some wild fantasy maybe the mayor should focus on solving the problems confronting the city today. It's unfortunate the constituents of Birmingham elected this joke of a city official. This speaks volumes to the people that voted. Please focus on the Olympics while city schools have to be shut down. Please focus on the Olympics while people are afraid to live downtown. Please focus on the Olympics while no national grocery store will locate downtown.

Maybe Langford's next tasks should be to solve world hunger and global warming. He seems like the right man for the job.

Alabama History, part 1

I don't want to be a bore, trying to educate readers of theoceancalled, but there are no naked Jesus/George Bush stories, so here it goes.
William Rufus deVane King is the only Alabamian who has served as vice-president of the United States. William was actually born in North Carolina, and served in Congress as an North Carolinian, but moved to Alabama to start a plantation near Selma. So, he's not actually an Alabamian, but we take credit for him. We have a habit of doing that. If you pass through the state on your way to fame, we will claim you.
Anyway after moving to Alabama, Rufus was elected to the US Senate, and served for nearly 30 years in the Senate, including several years as Senate President pro tempore (Rufus may have actually served with current president pro tempore Robert Byrd). In 1852, William was elected to the vice-presidency on the Democratic ticket with Franklin Pierce. William was in Cuba recuperating for "health reasons" and actually took the oath of office on foreign soil. He served as vice-president for only 45 days before dying of tuberculosis.
Now for the interesting part. Mr. King was a bachelor. He lived with future president James Buchanan for 15 years. Andrew Jackson, referred to Mr. King as "Aunt Fancy" or "Miss Nancy", due to his "relationship" with Buchanan. Buchanan and King's family destroyed some of their correspondence, which is pretty damning evidence in my book. I imagine they would have been like the Seinfeld episode where Susan reads the letter written to her father from John Cheever, "..i fear my orgasm has left me a cripple.". See history isn't so bad!

Readers outside of Alabama, let's discuss stereotypes..

Alabamians are typically stereotyped as redneck, uneducated, and willing to whup somebodies ass over something as small as an unkept yard. Well here's a story that backs up that stereotype, and it has a sweet video of a minor ass whippin. That is if you can watch the video from your work. Some workplaces don't allow you to stream video at your work. Can you believe that?
Anyway the unkept yard guy had it coming to him. Can you believe his excuse? "I just got my tractor fixed", what kind of moron has a broken down tractor in the middle of summer. Fix the damn thing man! You got grass to cut. Not only that, he's got bushes and thickets growed up in his yard, it's a health hazard to kids! Does the man not realize that North America has 4 species of poisonous snakes, and all can be found here in Alabama?