The Next Big Political Party

Most people who are registered to vote fall into one of two categories: Republicans or Democrats. However, in recent years there has been a movement to start new political parties out of growing frustration with the status quo. Check out this list of the most well-known.

Today I happened to stumble across this jewel courtesy of our neighbors in Hamilton, AL.

Wrong number ???

If your child is munching on a carpenter's crayon that might contain lead what should you do? Chances are you probably said call the poison control center. They should be able to walk you through the steps to properly handle this potential dangerous situation. Just be prepared to answer one important question.

This is not really something you would expect to see in Alabama.

No, it is not a compound run by some neo-nazi whackos, it is a government funded retirement home. This has to be the result of some government architect going through one too many "Whale Done" type seminars, and saying to hell with it. Why not take a symbol of the biggest threat to the world in the 20th century, and design a retirement home in the shape of a swastika. Our tax dollars were spent to build the shrine to Hitler, and we recently spent 1 million dollars to make the swastika less obvious (notice the additions in the lower left and upper right corners), but I don't think we succeeded.

FAIL and FAIL again.

This Colbert county man had a bad weekend. He first made a poor decision to attempt to burglarize a home, and was caught by the homeowners. The homeowners "held" the man until authorities arrived. While the sheriff was taking a statement from the homeowners, the robber had another brilliant idea to steal the patrol car. Minutes later, he was in custody again. By looking at his mugshot, it appears that Colbert county deputies do not carry tasers, as Mr. Tyler looks to have been served an old fashioned pistol whipping.

Why???

This week the Boaz Recreational Director was charged with reckless endangerment. You are probably asking yourself how could this happen. It happens when two men get in an argument at their son's football practice because one parks his city pickup truck in the view of the other. Instead of just moving the vehicle or being civil the director decides the best course of action is to pull out a pistol.

I'm sure the city of Boaz is bursting with joy over this display in judgment by one of its employees. I guess the guy got suspended or even fired from his job. Actually, the city council voted 3-2 against the mayor's recommendation to terminate the director. I've got an idea, instead of firing the moron who pulled the pistol they should just fire the three geniuses that decided against the mayor's recommendation.

What makes a good story for this blog?

Let's see, in this one we've got public nudity, Jesus, George Bush, tasers, alcohol, and of course Alabama. This story is brought to you by the lovely community of Pinson, where you may remember this little domestic dispute took place. This story may not make national news like that one did, but it does have a lot going for it. The story needs no embellishment, truth is indeed stranger than fiction. mash here

Go ahead and mark your calendars for Aug. 24 and 25th

UFO Days at Fyffe are back again. The sleepy little hamlet nestled in Sand Mountain is ready to celebrate their past by remembering a time when "Unidentified Flying Objects were sighted by numerous citizens in the area". I would love to give some legitimacy to the Fyffe community and their UFO sightings, but this is also the area famous for it's snake handlers. So just suppose that during a prayer meeting some parishioner's got a little sloppy handling the ol' timber rattler, and Mr. No-shoulders got him a little bite. Well Jimmy Earl and Linda Sue leave church in a venom induced haze and they see some flashing lights. I think I'm gonna need a little more than a that to convince me to go to Fyffe.
After checking out their web page, i've always been bothered that here in the Bible belt we allow high schools to have nicknames like the "devils". I can kinda see Blue Devils, because that implies maybe a friendlier devil. But when your fronting the Red Devils, you are sorta asking for the blessings of Big Red. Maybe I'm being a little too conservative, their website depicts a rather friendly version of the dark one.

Fiscal Responsibility

When governments need an influx of money they have a couple of options. They can borrow from a bank or issue a bond. The steps for doing this are well known in the financial sector. For this reason, bonds are generally low risk. However, if the issuer is Jefferson County you may have a problem. Most of you know by now the debacle that is the sewer bond. As the days go by we are reminded of the incompetence displayed by the county commissioners. The unfortunate part as that incompetent leadership equals squandering tax payer dollars. The following article appeared on al.com today. Please pay close attention to the bottom of page 1. It appears the tax payers are now going to pay a firm ($100,000/month) to manage the process of repaying investment bankers. That's $1.2 million a year to manage the crisis.

Bettye Fine Collins had this classic quote "I don't know any way to handle it than to bring in the folks with the expertise." That's great Bettye but shouldn't you thought of that before the bond was issued? Commissioner Bobby Humphryes said the investment banks in New York were not cooperating and costing the county money. Mr. Humphryes, that's what happens when you borrow money and don't make the payments. That's not a very hard concept to fathom is it?

I guess in the end the blame lies with the voters. If it wasn't for us we wouldn't be in this mess. We did elect these geniuses.

Be careful what you wish for...

It looks as though the city of Birmingham has decided to seek bids from architects for a domed stadium. This can only mean one thing it's a done deal. That's what the ever optimistic mayor of Birmingham believes. Just think, Birmingham may get a dome and a beluga whale.

Yay! We're #1!

Wait, it's not good to be #1? Not when your state has the top spot in a book about the dirtiest political campaigns in history.
At the top of list is the battle between George Wallace and Albert Brewer. To win the 1970 gubernatorial race in Alabama, Wallace ran a radio advertisement in which a police siren was followed by an announcer intoning: "Suppose your wife is driving home at 11 o'clock at night. She is stopped by a highway patrolman. He turns out to be black. Think about it. Elect George C. Wallace." Wallace won a fourth term in 1982. If you ever wondered what race baiting was, well that pretty much sums it up.

Some bad press coming for Alabama..

It looks like our fair state has been chosen to be a part of a BBC documentary called "The World's Strictest Parents". A pair of British teenagers will come to Alabama and live with a family, and be forced to adhere to the "family" rules. I'm sure the world will soon be introduced to a strychnine drinking, snake handling family from Sand Mountain, and in doing so, fulfill all the stereotypes of our state. The one good thing that came out of this is, that I have some research to do. I wonder if Bigfoot has access to a cutting torch? That would make a plausible explaination for the burn marks on the mutilated cattle.

Bigfoot in Winston County?

Now I know why I was scared to go outside to my grandmothers bathroom in Haleyville. Bigfoot may be watching you. (yes it was an outdoor bathroom, but with running water and toilet paper)

Is this what happens when you call an escort service?

Pictoral definition of a Muffin top. Huzzah for Montgomery! Three cheers for taking a step to clean up our Capital.

Varmits cause chaos in the statehouse

I didn't know squirrels took an interest in politics. Maybe he was disappointed that our Legislators failed to pass the education budget.

Have you ever thought, "I wonder where I could get one of those..."

from the animal section in http://themuletrader.com/

BABY O'POSSUMS, 646-XXXX

(the phone number was redacted for my safety, I mean if someone is selling baby possums, there ain't no telling what they might do to a feller)

Decision 2008 "No NCAA" or "Choo Choo"?

http://www.montgomeryadvertiser.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080405/NEWS02/804050343/1009/news02

I don't think the Fathers of our country had this in mind, but in the race for U.S. Senate in the state of Alabama, we have some tough decisions to make. Do we vote for the incumbent, the comparitively boring Jeff Sessions? Sure, he's a two term Senator and all, but he doesn't have the "it" factor like a few of the candiates.
Take for example, Earl Mack Gavin (R- Smiths Station), who has run for public office before using the name "Choo Choo". But wait, it gets even better. Gavin picked up the name from co-workers, because of "his ability to mimic train sounds". Uh-huh, I'm sure that's why they called you Choo Choo. They were actually being kind, because if I had a co-worker that was constantly making train sounds, I could think of lots worse to call him.
Tough decisions are also present in the Democratic primary, with the candidacy of Mark Townsend (his website) who is choosing to run as "No NCAA". Townsend has run for public office before, and used the alias "Rodeo Clown". He actually placed 3rd out of 5 in the 2002 Alabama Democratic gubernatorial race. (Who were the two losers that got beat by Rodeo Clown?)
I have a soft spot for Choo Choo, but I don't think Alabama could be served wrong by electing a man from Haleyville. After all, the lovely hamlet has given us 911, Guthrie's chicken fingers, psychotic high school fans who beat up referees, and yours truly. I'm proud to have been born in Burdick West, and even prouder that family was living 20 miles away in Hamilton.